Compostable Crinkle Craziness (from Sun Chips)

You may have seen the latest campaign promoting the new compostable bag from Sun Chips. I myself started a compost bin last year, which literally cut our landfill contributions in half — not to mention the effect it had on my new garden. As an avid tree hugger I applaud this effort by our Frito-Lay friends, but their new package needs a warning label.

The problem lies in the bag itself. It produces by far the highest level of ear-piercing decibels in the history of chip bags. Quite frankly this crinkly cacophony has to be completely screwing with Frito-Lay’s main target audience — the late-night snacker. And yeah, I’m one of ’em. And there’s a technique to late-night snacking — a very challenging technique. I mean, you’re already dealing with a chip — come on, even the word “chip” sounds loud and crunchy. And you’ve always had to deal with the crinkle of the bag. Some bags are worse than others, am I right? And when you’re down to just crumbs, you wind up cutting the top half off with a scissors, ’cause that’s a lot of bag to work through. Really, it’s a losing battle that’s just going to drive your wife crazy.

OK, back to this new compostable bag. My advice? Forget it. Just pour some of these tasty chips into a bowl and get on with the snacking. And forget about sneaking into the cupboard while the missus is upstairs. Believe me, she can hear this bag crumple from three blocks away. It’s really quite impressive. You must go out and get a bag for yourself. Maybe on New Year’s Eve. Now that’s a time when you’re supposed to make some noise. That is a holiday they should be marketing toward. You read it here first.

And, oh yeah, I can’t wait to see how long this bag takes to decompose. I’ve got a quarter-bag left from the new Peppercorn Ranch flavor I just bought — it’s goin’ in the bin soon. I’ll get back to ya.